Why You’re Allowed to Skip New Year’s Resolutions
Therapists’ Perspective on Rest, Growth, and Letting Yourself Be Human
Every January, we’re told it’s time to fix ourselves.
New habits. New body. New mindset. New productivity level. New you.
As therapists, we want to offer a gentler—and more honest—truth: you don’t need a New Year’s resolution to be worthy of care, rest, or growth.
For many people, especially those navigating grief, trauma, burnout, or systemic stress, New Year’s resolutions can feel less like motivation and more like pressure. And that pressure often leads to shame, not change.
Let’s talk about why it’s okay to opt out—and what to do instead.
The Problem With New Year’s Resolutions
From a mental health perspective, traditional New Year’s resolutions are often:
Rooted in perfectionism
Tied to diet culture or productivity culture
Based on punishment rather than care
Unrealistic given real-life stressors
Research consistently shows that most resolutions are abandoned within weeks—not because people are lazy or lack discipline, but because willpower is not a sustainable mental health strategy.
If your nervous system is already overwhelmed, adding another “should” won’t help.
Resolutions Don’t Account for Context
Resolutions often ignore reality.
They don’t account for:
Chronic illness or disability
Mental health challenges like anxiety or depression
Financial stress
Grief and loss
Marginalization or identity-based stress
As queer-affirming therapists, we see how systems of oppression already demand more from LGBTQ+ folks, people of color, disabled people, and caregivers. Expecting yourself to “level up” on January 1st without acknowledging these realities is not self-improvement—it’s self-erasure.
You Are Not a Problem to Fix
One of the most harmful messages behind New Year’s resolutions is this:
Who you are right now isn’t enough.
But mental health isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about learning how to live more compassionately with who you already are.
Growth doesn’t require shame. Healing doesn’t require urgency.
What to Try Instead (Therapist-Approved Alternatives)
1. Choose an Intention, Not a Resolution
Intentions focus on how you want to feel, not what you want to achieve.
Examples:
“I want to prioritize rest.”
“I want to move at a pace that honors my capacity.”
“I want to practice self-compassion when things feel hard.”
Intentions leave room for flexibility and humanity.
2. Practice Values-Based Living
Instead of rigid goals, ask:
What matters to me right now?
What do I want to protect this year—my energy, my joy, my boundaries?
Values-based choices are more sustainable than outcome-based goals.
3. Let This Be a Year of Maintenance
Not every year is for growth. Some years are for survival, stabilization, and rest.
Maintenance might look like:
Taking your meds consistently
Going to therapy
Saying no more often
Doing less—and feeling okay about it
That counts. Truly.
4. Start Where You Are—Not Where You “Should” Be
If January feels heavy, slow, or emotionally complicated, listen to that.
Healing is not linear. Mental health doesn’t follow a calendar.
You’re allowed to begin again on any random Tuesday—or not at all.
A Gentle Reminder
You don’t owe the New Year a better version of yourself.
You are allowed to:
Rest without earning it
Change slowly
Stay the same
Need support
Opt out of resolutions altogether
From the therapists’ perspective, the most radical thing you can do this year might be treat yourself with kindness instead of demands.
Looking for Support This Year?
If the pressure of “New Year, New You” brings up anxiety, shame, or burnout, therapy can help you untangle those messages and reconnect with what actually supports your mental health.
Gather and Grow OC offers LGBTQ-affirming, trauma-informed therapy for clients in California and beyond—supporting you exactly as you are, not who you think you should be.
