Navigating Grief During the Holidays
When the Season Brings Up What’s Missing
The holidays are often painted as joyful, cozy, and full of togetherness. But for many people, this season also amplifies grief—grief for loved ones who are gone, relationships that have changed, versions of life that no longer exist, or parts of ourselves we’ve outgrown.
If you’re grieving this holiday season, you are not broken, ungrateful, or “doing it wrong.” You’re responding to loss in a world that keeps telling you to be cheerful anyway.
As therapists, we want you to know: grief doesn’t take a holiday. And you’re allowed to move through this season at your own pace.
Why Grief Feels Heavier During the Holidays
Grief often intensifies during the holidays because this season is full of reminders:
Empty chairs at the table
Traditions that feel different—or impossible—to continue
Songs, smells, and rituals tied to memories
Social pressure to feel happy when you don’t
The contrast between how the holidays are supposed to feel and how they actually feel can be painful. That dissonance can make grief feel louder, sharper, and more isolating.
Grief Is Not Just About Death
Grief isn’t limited to losing someone to death. You may be grieving:
Estranged or complicated family relationships
The loss of safety or belonging
A breakup or divorce
A version of yourself before trauma, illness, or burnout
The family you wish you had
All of these forms of grief are real and valid—even if others don’t recognize them.
You Don’t Have to Perform the Holidays
There is no requirement to be festive, social, or “in the spirit.”
You are allowed to:
Skip events
Leave early
Change traditions
Create new rituals
Spend the holidays quietly or alone
Protecting your energy is not selfish—it’s survival.
Gentle Ways to Care for Yourself While Grieving
Grief doesn’t need to be “fixed,” but it does deserve care. Consider what might feel supportive for you:
Honor the Loss
Light a candle. Write a letter. Say their name. Visit a meaningful place. Acknowledging grief often feels better than pretending it isn’t there.
Lower Your Expectations
This is not the year to push yourself to “make it magical.” Let “good enough” be enough.
Plan for Hard Moments
Think ahead about what might be triggering and create a soft plan:
Who can you text?
What’s your exit strategy?
What helps you ground when emotions rise?
Preparation is a form of self-compassion.
Allow Joy Without Guilt
Moments of laughter or relief don’t erase your grief. Joy and sadness can coexist. Feeling okay doesn’t mean you’ve “moved on.”
Grief Is Love With Nowhere to Go
Grief isn’t something to rush through or get over. It’s a reflection of connection, attachment, and care. The goal isn’t to eliminate grief—it’s to learn how to carry it more gently.
There is no timeline. No right way. No finish line.
When to Reach Out for Support
If the holidays feel unbearable, if your grief is impacting sleep, relationships, or daily functioning, or if you feel alone with what you’re carrying—support can help.
Therapy offers a space where grief doesn’t need to be minimized, explained, or compared. You don’t have to hold it all by yourself.
A Final Reminder
If this season feels heavy, slow, or quiet for you:
You are not failing the holidays.
You are honoring your humanity.
Grief is not the opposite of love—it’s proof that love existed. And that love still matters.
