Holiday Survival Guide 101
The holidays can be a mixed bag: twinkly lights, cozy sweaters, and joyful gatherings—and complicated family dynamics, grief, loneliness, financial stress, and emotional exhaustion. Whether you’re excited, overwhelmed, or somewhere in between, your feelings are valid.
As a queer therapist, I see how this season amplifies everything. You’re not doing anything “wrong” if the holidays feel hard. You’re human.
Below are some gentle, practical ways to take care of yourself during this season, especially if you're navigating identity, boundaries, or just trying to stay afloat.
1. Check In With Your Body Before You Commit
Before saying yes to events, gifts, or obligations, pause and ask:
Do I have the energy for this?
Does this feel like a “should” or a genuine want?
What happens in my body when I consider saying yes—or no?
Your body often knows the truth before your brain does.
2. Give Yourself Permission to Set (or Re-set) Boundaries
Boundaries are a gift to yourself—not a punishment for others.
You might say:
“Thanks for the invite, but I won’t be able to make it this year.”
“I’m stepping away from this conversation.”
“I’m not comfortable discussing my dating life/my gender/my job right now.”
You don't need a long explanation. “No” is a complete sentence, even during the holidays.
3. Create Chosen Family Moments
If your biological family relationships feel strained—or unsafe—spend time with people who make you feel grounded and seen. That might look like:
A holiday movie night with friends
A virtual hangout
A cozy date night with your partner
Solo joy: baking, crafting, gaming, reading queer romance novels
Chosen family is real family.
4. Plan for Emotional Flashpoints
Think ahead about what may come up:
Feeling outnumbered in political conversations
Misgendering
Old wounds resurfacing
Sensory overload
Loneliness or grief
Make a small “holiday coping plan”:
What helps you feel calm?
Who can you text if things get hard?
What’s your exit plan if you need space?
Preparation isn’t pessimistic—it’s protective.
5. Manage Financial Pressure With Compassion
Capitalism pushes us to equate love with spending. You do not need to go into debt to show you care.
Try:
Handmade or low-cost gifts
Experiences instead of items
Setting a budget and sticking to it
Normalizing “I’m keeping gifts simple this year”
Your worth isn’t defined by what’s under the tree.
6. Build Rest Into Your Schedule (on Purpose)
The holidays easily fill up with obligations. Rest doesn't happen by accident—schedule it.
Ideas:
One “do nothing” night a week
A morning without plans
A quiet walk or stretch session
Turning off notifications for a few hours
Rest is a radical act, especially when the world keeps telling you to do more.
7. Honor Your Grief and Mixed Feelings
Joy and sadness can coexist. You don’t have to force holiday cheer.
If you’re grieving someone or something—a loved one, a relationship, the version of yourself you were last year—make room for it. Light a candle. Look at a photo. Say their name. Journal. Let it be present without judgment.
Grief is love. Letting it be is a form of self-care.
8. Make Space for Small Joy
You don’t need a perfect holiday to feel good. Micro-joys count:
The smell of pine or cinnamon
A warm blanket
Listening to your favorite playlist
Watching your pet be chaotic
Sipping something warm
Joy doesn’t need to be loud to be real.
9. Seek Support if You Need It
If this season brings up more than you can carry alone, that’s okay. Therapy is a space to unpack stress, grief, identity, and boundaries without judgment.
If you’re in California and looking for mental-health support, Sad But Rad Therapy offers LGBTQ-affirming, trauma-informed care to help you navigate tough seasons with compassion.
Final Reminder
You don’t need to earn rest. You don’t need to “perform” holiday cheer. You don’t need to push through discomfort to make others happy.
You deserve a holiday season that feels safe, gentle, and authentically yours.
You’re allowed to take care of yourself first.
