Maintaining Relationships in Times of Stress

Unless you’re the luckiest person in the world, I make the assumption that every person I meet has been through a stressful event at some point. What we consider to be stressful might vary based on our individual experiences, but I know that so many of us have dealt with stressors that run the gamut:  the loss of a loved one, losing a job, dealing with a difficult customer, chronic illness, or just transitions in life. Sometimes the residual effects last a day and sometimes they last years, but my guess is either way the shift in mood impacted the people closest to you in some way. 

Here’s a common scenario: You had a really tough day at work. You come home and all you want to do is change into something comfortable, lay down on the couch, and try and forget about everything. At that same time, your spouse or partner walks in asking what you want for dinner. Should we cook or go out? Who’s going to give the kids a bath. We really need to call your mom, it’s been awhile….and you snap. You turn mean. It happens. They say those closest to us sometimes get the worst, and we can all be understanding of the one-time stress explosion. 

But what happens when the stress becomes ongoing? Maybe one partner loses a job and the bills are piling up. You might not have enough to cover rent. Maybe you’re struggling with infertility and it has become a daily challenge to either deal with treatments or determine the next steps. You’re at a loss of what to do and wanting to give up. Maybe there’s a sick parent who needs ongoing care, and that responsibility has taken over all free time. 

When these types of heavy and ongoing situations occur, it’s easy to imagine retreating into a bubble of sadness, worry, anger, resentment, and selfishness. Our resources are being given out elsewhere and it’s likely we aren’t storing any reserves for the person closest to us. It’s easy to take your spouse for granted in these moments and to not prioritize the relationship. And it would be hard to fault anyone for doing so, but they are missing an opportunity for deepening the relationship connection. For giving into the vulnerability of the moment, and rather than turning inwards for strength, turn outwards for support. 

When we decide in these moments that our greatest resource is each other, we open the door to a shared experience and a bond that is lasting.