The Inner Child: Your True North Star
Trust in them and you trust in you. They are your guiding light in this life.
We all have an inner child within us.
In fact, we hold remnants of every age we’ve ever been and continue to be with every passing year. Our inner child is our truest, purest, unfiltered, unadulterated, raw, authentic, core essence of who we are. Who we innately are before the world around us influences us, before the life experiences that shape us. A time before we were overly conscious of ourselves, a time of pure presence, a time of awe and wonder because everything was new, a time before we were taught subjective beliefs of good and bad, a time when joy was so easily sparked, a time where your likes and dislikes were instinctual, a time of just being in our existence.
Some people are lucky to have these moments in childhood, and even luckier to have this way of life sustained throughout their adulthood. Some people, unfortunately, aren’t as lucky as to even have conscious memories of this time, an innocent gift stolen from them before they even had the opportunity to feel nostalgic for it. Some people walk around the world with neglected, forgotten, abandoned, or lost inner children inside them. But they never leave you.
They are often tucked away in the shadows and make a loud appearance when they're upset. They’ve felt shunned by the world or the people in it, and then shunned by their adult self, so they don’t feel safe to come up to the light. They might have been shut down, unheard, or ignored, so they don’t think you'll listen to their joy, humor, passions, or interests, let alone their pain, sadness, and heartache. They’ll often try making themselves known when they dislike something, when a painful memory surfaces, when they really long for something, when they are holding pain they can't bear to hold anymore. They will make themselves known with brewing rage, tears stuck in the lump in your throat, a panic attack to crack you open, a burst of frustration, a somber yearning for what they see in others; they think, “This is surely going to get their attention.” But when you choose to ignore, shut down, numb, belittle, judge, dismiss, or abandon them with their desperately loud attempts at reconnection, the inner child will stay away until you earn their trust back.
“Your inner child is waiting for a genuine, heartfelt apology.”― Yong Kang Chan
Until you help them feel safe and wanted again, they will hide from you.
When your adult self embodies and dishes out the pain of judgment, dismissal, rejection, and abandonment, your inner child will go quiet. You’ve taught them it's safer to stay away from you, just like the people who've hurt them before. But what they hold is golden, its truth, its purity, its guidance, it’s beautiful, it’s you. You may walk around the world not knowing why you’re not enjoying life anymore, why you’re in a job you hate, why you’re not fulfilled in relationships, or not knowing why you feel frustrated or sad meanwhile you're inner child, the truth of your being, your innate core essence, has been conditioned to keep their mouth shut because they've learned why bother. You don't listen.
So it's your job to make them feel safe again. You have to prove to them you are a safe adult they can trust, or you do not get the privilege of their purity, the beauty of their unfiltered truth, the peace of their clear guidance. What they possess is sacred, and they won't bear their vulnerable heart just to be hurt again. They want to know: Will you honor and embrace me with acceptance, respect, softness, care, kindness, grace, forgiveness, and love?"
The most potent muse of all is our own inner child."— Stephen Nachmanovitch
Because when you do, you will discover the riches they hold.
The lost gold of your youth, innocence, purity, authenticity, joy, peace, passion, enthusiasm, and wonder. A treasure trove of magic, intuition, truth, awareness, guidance, clarity, and direction. Our inner child carries our deepest pain. We tend to want to avoid that and never go through what feels unbearable; naturally so. But we often don't realize that what also gets locked away is our joy. Our zest for life, our hope, our self-expression, our intuition, our trust, our flow, our inspiration, our curiosity, our presence, our ability to discern what is best for us. When you are brave enough to rescue your inner child, your true self, from your own captivity, when you realize the safety of avoidance outweighs the joy in your life, when you realize they were only hiding from shame that was adopted from someone else's subjective judgment, you will discover the home you’ve been waiting for, the love you've been seeking, the hope you've been needing, the clarity you've been searching for, the joy you've been craving, the fulfillment you've been chasing. It's been within you all along.
“Who you are, what your values are, what you stand for, they are your anchor, your North Star. You won't find them in a book. You'll find them in your soul.”–Anne M. Mulcahy
You just had to be courageous enough to face yourself. To love yourself. To return to a time when you felt safe to just be; be present, be free, be yourself. You just have to show your inner child gentleness and compassion for all they've been carrying by themselves so they can feel safe again to live this life with you side by side. When you do this, they will slowly, cautiously, and quietly start whispering their wants, needs, and feelings to you again. These soft bids for attention will soon get louder, more emotional, more excitable, and more audible as their trust in you is rebuilt. Their sanctuary with you is strengthened every time you listen, every time you validate, every time you take action on their behalf. Every time you see them and let them know that they matter. Every time you treat them with the love they have always been worthy and innately deserving of.
Remember, just like a real child, you don't let them drive the car (because who wants a child to be in charge of the wheel). You’re not meant to follow every impulse, react to every feeling, or indulge in every desire. But we want them in the backseat, safe in a car seat where they are protected and can share how they feel while you’re in the driver’s seat. Just like a parent, you get to have the important, honorable job of learning how to protect, love, nourish, and consider this child. Not every feeling is fact, but it is always valid. Not every impulse should be acted upon, but it's good to listen and get curious about its motivation. Not every desire should be indulged in, but it deserves to be acknowledged and considered for reasonable ways to fulfill it when appropriate. A young child would be lost if we let them lead the way, but it’s valuable for their development when you help teach them how to take their innate wisdom and refine it with the life experience you have as the adult. We listen to their feelings, we validate their experience, we take the valuable insight and information they are offering us, and we make a choice that both honors our adult self and them.
“To be more childlike, you don't have to give up being an adult. The fully integrated person is capable of being both an adult and a child simultaneously. Recapture the childlike feelings of wide-eyed excitement, spontaneous appreciation, cutting loose, and being full of awe and wonder at this magnificent universe.”– Wayne Dyer
Because their wisdom will be your guiding North Star.
They know the truth of you; what gets under your skin, what's wounded you, what heals you, what comforts you, what brings you joy, what makes you laugh, what excites you, what irritates you, what angers you, what you love. If you listen and honor all of that, how could it steer you wrong? Your inner child knows instinctively how to respect your boundaries, what emotions need to be felt, what needs need to be communicated, what dynamics you would like to shift, what wants you would like to incorporate into your life, what passions want to be prioritized, what incites enjoyment and pleasure, what creative pursuits and hobbies you want to take leisure in, what your curiosity wants to learn more about, what feels soothing and activating to your nervous system, what your unbridled self-expression feels like, what choices honor your entirety.
“Explorers depend on the North Star when there are no other landmarks in sight. The same relationship exists between you and your right life, the ultimate realization of your potential for happiness. I believe that a knowledge of that perfect life sits inside you just as the North Star sits in its unaltering spot.”–Martha Beck
Your inner child is your North Star, it is a constant you can trust.
A fixed point you can rely on.Direction that honors you and your highest good.Dependable guidance when you're lost.A beacon of hope during dark, difficult times.Stability amidst the chaos of change and uncertainty.A link to higher wisdom and intuition.A shepherding light illuminating a life in integrity with your values and beliefs.A pathway to live a life full of expression and joy.Your inner child loves you, they are you. Listen to them and you listen to you. Trust in them and you trust in you. They are your guiding light in this life, they are your true North Star.
Sincerely,
Stephanie
