A Letter to Those Struggling with Pregnancy and Fertility

To all the women out there who are struggling with getting pregnant and going through fertility treatments, I want you to know you are not alone and everything you are feeling is understandable. Have compassion for yourself during this process. This isn’t an easy process to go through and it can sometimes feel frustrating. I know your body is feeling like it is going through so much with no results and it can be overwhelming to constantly take action and steps forward toward the next treatment without having to first process or sit with the feeling of a loss.

I want to acknowledge you in this journey and your strength and courage in this process. You have a deep desire to build your family and connect to your child and this keeps pushing you forward even when you feel like giving up. You are incredibly resilient and in your divine feminine power. This is the exact thing that already makes you an incredible mother. You are willing to sacrifice your body, your time, your own desires, and your needs for the wellbeing of your child to give your beautiful child life which is the greatest gift of all. You are already showing up for this child with unconditional love and teaching them. Showing them each day despite things not going as desired or planned, despite feeling afraid to move forward you keep pushing through with courage, and strength. I want to acknowledge what an incredible mother you already are. You are as much of a blessing to them as they are going to be to you! Focus on this space when you feel overwhelmed or are experiencing pain from this process. 

I also want to address the moments where you may have been pregnant and felt the joy and pure bliss of connecting with your child inside you only to find out it didn’t take and experienced a loss. The heaviness and pain that come from experiencing this loss is unimaginable to those who have not experienced this and are different for everyone in how they feel and cope with this loss. Know it is ok to grieve this loss, hold space for this and process this in a way that honors your journey. For this is not easy to connect with all that joy and feel this connection to your child and have it be taken away from you. I send you all lots of love and healing in these moments. Ask for what you need to support you through this. Create space and honor things that will assist you in feeling comforted and safe.

I know this can be challenging due to the fast pace of fertility treatments. Know you are not alone in this journey, trust it is ok to honor your feelings of loss and still move forward in your fertility treatments. Know it is safe to hold space for both emotions excitement and sadness of the loss. When you think about the loss acknowledge and honor the feelings that come up, once you do this, it allows for those feelings to heal and you can shift your feelings to the excitement and optimistic space of the fertility treatments working this cycle. Believe in your own connection to your child and trust in the divine timing. Remember you are already showing up for your child. You are incredibly resilient and in your power in your divine feminine power. You are strong, loving, and compassionate. Show yourself all the love you need to empower yourself through this. You deserve great happiness and love in your life! I believe in you!

Intuition and Motherhood

Following your intuition is key as an individual, but especially as you begin your journey to motherhood. There are so many decisions you make as a parent with the pregnancy, and how you want to parent your child. There are so many books with advice, plus the opinions of your friends, family, and loved ones, that it can be a challenge to navigate with your partner and find what works best for you both. 

Creating space for your own ability to shift through all this will allow you to reduce your anxiety and flow in a space of trust. Your intuition is a way to do this. It is that little thing that tells you: I should call my mom or a specific friend for example and sure enough they are going through something at that moment or thinking of you or end up saying the exact thing you needed to hear at that moment. 

Intuition is that feeling of “I shouldn’t take the train today, but walk instead” and maybe you find out the train was stalled or you end up needing to ground yourself and end up enjoying the walk. Intuition is that thing that tells you to eat more berries or take an extra immune booster this week and sure enough, you find out later you were overly busy or around someone who had a cold, etc. These are all ways our intuition talks to us and if we choose to listen will guide us through our lives with ease.

Steps to listening to your intuition:

1. Be present with yourself (slow down, and focus on each moment rather than worrying about 10 steps ahead)

2. If something doesn’t feel right, honor this ( in conversation, with plans, in relationships)

3. Release attachment (it can be challenging to hear clearly our internal guidance when we are attached to the outcome)

4. If you hear that voice inside of you telling you something choose to listen to it and become aware of how listening made you feel or impacted your day or the outcome differently. With each intuitive moment you choose to listen to and have a positive understanding behind it this begins to give you a confirmation and build your trust in your intuition.

Beginning to practice this before parenthood will help you connect more with yourself and be attuned with your child and will create an easier flow in your parenting. There is a lot of unknown variables as a parent and in moments when your child is crying or you find yourself not sure of what to do, your anxiety can rise.

If you have the tools to be more mindful, however, and can be present and listen to your intuition, this will allow you to flow through those moments with more clarity and trust. For those of you who are already parents, it is never too late to begin this journey in creating a more centering space for your family in the decisions you make. Work with your partner/s to build this together - people tuned into their intuition is a powerful gift and will beautifully connect you both.

I believe in you all! Go out and practice that intuition, the gift you were born with! Create that firm foundation to build on in creating or beginning to expand your family through healthy mental health practices. 

Contemplating Identity and Motherhood

I have been focusing a lot of my energy to speak to new mothers and I wanted to speak to all of you who are in this stage in your life where you want to build a family or may feel pressure to create this next stage of your life. 

This post is for those of you who maybe are struggling with who you are currently and how this will fit into this new lifestyle. This is for those of you who may know this is something you want for yourself but keep getting stuck in the process and feel there are roadblocks and can’t seem to understand why. Becoming a Mother is a huge step, and can often bring up insecurities within yourself as well as create moments where you think about your own childhood and letting fear of how your parents interacted with you and not wanting to repeat these patterns or may be feeling disconnected from the idea of parenting due to your own experiences. I want you to know you are not alone, deciding if you are ready for a child is something that many of us face. 

It takes courage to step into this space and will challenge yourself in a way you never have before. This fear and uncertainty come from spaces that need healing in order to move forward with ease. These are areas within yourself that need to clear in order to create a safe space for you and your new chapter.

START HERE

1. I want you to dig a little deeper and look within yourself to see what areas are holding you back from this transition into a family and yourself as a mother. (Is it fear of repeating the same patterns of your own childhood? Is it fear of not having your independence? Is it fear of not knowing how to be a mother or the uncertainty of this step? )

2. Pick the fear that stands out as the most intense one and focus on healing this one step at a time. Ask yourself is this fear truth or is it self-doubt? Do a burn and release on this fear. Examine what comes up for you as you write. Intentionally Release these old beliefs and choose to move forward in trust. 

3. So much of stepping into this next stage is about owning who you are inside with confidence, compassion, and love. It takes building a strong foundation within yourself, to hold this shift in your life as you transition into a family and a mother, so begin to work on this. Make yourself expansive, allow yourself to be whole within. Make a decision that is in alignment with your truth and stand firm in it. Speak up when others cross your boundaries, honor your needs. These are all things that will help build this strong foundation and give you the courage, and confidence to move forward into building the family you desire.  

4. If you feel there is deeper healing to do, then create space for this, whether that’s self-guided work, or finding a therapist to work through it, or a life coach, or other modalities. Honor the healing you need. 

Upon doing this work and shifting into this new stage, you will create expansion in your life. It will force you to grow in ways you never thought possible, you will find strength in moments you thought you didn’t have any. The joy and love you once felt will be immensely greater than you ever thought possible. Your ability to step into spaces you once feared will flow more easily and you will find faith through moments that will push you. You will look into this new chapter and begin to feel comfortable and you will begin to shift into this new role and create healing from within as you do this. Empower yourself, build this new foundation, I believe in you!

Self-Care Tips for First-Time Mothers

To all you first-time Mothers trying to figure out how to hold your head above water and maintain a sense of direction in such an overwhelming space:

You have spent months preparing, read every book, taken classes, and still coming home with your newborn can feel so overwhelming and confusing. Your emotions split from an immense overwhelming joy and love you have never felt before with an innate instinct of worry to take care of your little one.

I want you to know you are not alone, many mothers have felt this same way and have struggled with how to balance themselves with the needs of their newborn and infant child as well as how to find balance with their partner.

I want you to know you are doing an amazing job, You are doing the best you can, and trust you know what to do. Let go of the small worries about: “did I miss my baby’s cues for eating, or what if I drop them when I am giving them a bath, or did I burp them enough, or are they getting enough calories or sleep, etc.” These are all important but don’t overwhelm yourself in this process.

The more you feel at peace and taken care of, your infant will respond to this and feel calmer and feel safe in their new environment. Your infant can sense your energy, the more at peace you can be, the more this will help your newborn adjust. 

Tips for taking care of yourself with a newborn/infant:

1) Take time for yourself (nap when they nap, delegate, as hard as it is, other tasks to your partner or support system, leave the house for an hour without your newborn, and do something that brings you joy). Get a manicure, go shopping, go to the beach, or hiking, see a friend for coffee. Do something to help you feel connected to yourself as an adult and reconnect you to your own identity. Journal for 5 minutes every few days, take a shower/bath, wake up before you infant to enjoy your time with yourself.  

2) Utilize bonding time as a way to re-center and connect with yourself and your newborn/infant (hold them and visualize while you breathe deeply the two of you wrapped in a blanket of white healing light and love, close your eyes and connect heart to heart with your baby). This will create a space of security for both you and your little one. 

3) Trust your instincts and intuitive guidance whether being maternal comes naturally to you or not. We all have our intuition. Use this and lean into it for your guidance (if you sense your infant needs to be rocked rather than swung, or snuggled instead of on their own, or is overly stimulated use this. By following this tip (and the one above), this will also allow you to hone in on this connection even deeper. Don’t doubt your intuition, trust if your newborn/infant is crying they will be ok it’s merely their way of speaking to you. Release your anxiety to fix it immediately this can often lead to overthinking. Take deep breaths open your heart center, create a peaceful space to hear clearly within, and connect with your infant and their needs. 

4) Take a break! If you are feeling overwhelmed, delegate to your support system. If there is no one there at the time, allow yourself 3-4 minutes to breathe (go to another room, scream in a pillow, cry, breathe deep, and recenter yourself. Your little one will thank you and you will thank you for this. It all stems back to energy, clearing your energy to a calm, loving space will help you both.  

5) Honor your time with your partner. Create time each day to connect even if it’s 5 minutes in the morning (hold space for each other in this transition). Spend quality one on one time with them either 1x/wk or 1 every 2/wk. This is so important to reconnect to your partner and have well-needed adult time. Schedule it on a calendar, make it a priority. 

6) Connect with other moms, through a social support group. 

Know you are doing an incredible job, You are not alone, and always reach out for support when you need it! You got this, trust yourself! I believe in you, you are an amazing mother!