What is Identity Work?
Identity. The word often springs to mind when speaking about sexuality, gender, ethnicity or religion. Sometimes that is the context we speak of identity formation within. Yet often it’s something far broader than that and more specific all at once. I lead all of my work with curiosity and that applies the very most to a sense of self/identity.
In my work with clients, I often say I love doing “identity work”. But what does it mean? For many it means figuring out what they are made of, and what gives their life meaning and depth. I see LGBTQ+ people often in my practice, I also see people who aren’t within that community. And just as often they are working on building an identity. The most common way that identity work shows up is within LIFE TRANSITIONS. Here are just a few that come up most commonly, and how I approach them with clients.
1. Changing careers
Often people form their identities off of what they do. When we attach our self worth to what we can do for others it’s hard to separate from who we are otherwise. When we lose a job or make a major career change our sense of self can disintegrate pretty quickly. How do we reintegrate into the next version of ourselves? I love using narrative approaches for career changes. The text Career Counseling from Mark L. Savickas is a wonderful resource in how to rebuild our sense of self, and find out what we love, and what is useful. Ever wanted to know how the characters you related to as a child could help you know what to do next? This is such a fun experience to play with and learn more about ourselves. Moving from one stage to the next with curiosity.
2. Neurodivergence
We all look at the world in a unique way that gives us our specific lens. But how about when you realize that the way you look at things is really drastically different from others, from a neurological perspective? What happens when you discover you aren’t just odd, or oversensitive but you have a neurodevelopmental disorder that cannot be changed? Sometimes this is a grief, and sometimes it’s a relief, often both. But it almost always changes our identity. As an Audhd person myself, I’ve experienced this and I’m ready to hold your hand while we learn a new way to accept ourselves.
3. Bringing another life into the world
What could shake the foundations of how we view ourselves more than to bring another life into the world, who needs you to put everything aside for their very survival? While we most often see this in new mothers, who get lost in the fog of new motherhood, this can apply to any parent. The changes are rapid and extremely disorienting. A newborn is fragile, and so are we! In that stage it becomes incredibly difficult to keep sight of who we are outside of parenting. Yet I find this is incredibly important so that we don’t lose ourselves entirely, but instead build a new version of ourselves. This leads me to the next time I often do identity work.
4. Empty Nesters
When children go off into the world and the parent is left without the daily parenting that became their whole selves from newborn onward. While for some this is an exciting moment that they have prepared for thoroughly, there are also many parents who feel bereft. In a healthy environment we can turn to our support systems, acknowledge the loss and joy of a child growing up. We can focus on things that we didn’t get to do as easily before… if we know what they are. Some parents may have not fully thought about what comes next, or they’ve become so entrenched in parenting, that they haven’t formed any sense of self without their kids to manage. Their lives became their children's lives. Once their children are ready to move onto their next stage of life, they may become overly involved, or controlling because they don’t know how to step back. They don’t have anything else to hang their hat on. That work can be done easiest if we hold on to some sense of self outside of being a parent. Sometimes, it takes a little more time to get to know ourselves. Either way, I’m here for it. Let's get to know what you like again!
5. Emerging Adulthood
Whether it’s a college dorm, a first relationship, or figuring out who you are without highschool clubs and sports, this can be a lot to handle! When we are young adults, this is the primary time where we form a sense of self outside of our families. We ideally differentiate ourselves from where we came from, to where we want to go. That can be about sexuality, gender, spirituality, and everything in between. I love working with this stage of development because when we are in this stage we are so curious and have so much neuroplasticity (ability to grow and change).
6. Ending a relationship
Whether this is your partner, or your best friend, the end of a relationship can be brutal and really send your world spinning. Usually it also involves getting to know yourself outside of that relationship. What do you like when you aren’t within their influence? What did you let go of that you’d like to reinvestigate? What does it mean to be an individual instead of part of a relational dynamic? All great ways to explore our identities.
7. Sexuality and Gender Identity
I know I said that it wasn’t about that. Yet, I’m always here for it. I did a concentration in Sex and Gender Expression in my Master’s program. Sometimes it really is about who we are attracted to, or how we experience and express ourselves in relation to gender roles and the societal expectations of gender and sexuality. I love working with people who want to challenge the prescribed roles through a lens of smashing patriarchal and heteronormative framing. Are you curious about what gender really means to you and want a place to explore it? Hell yeah. Let's get into it. Do you want to learn about compulsory heterosexuality or monogamy and how it can lead us to specific relationships over others? I’m down. Are you curious about non-traditional relationship dynamics? Let’s read the Ethical Slut and dig in.
So are you ready to dig deep? I’d love to find out what makes you, you. Schedule with me today by clicking on our find out more link.
